the real reason I believe in “self love”

okay, this is going to take a bit of backstory…. okay a LOT of backstory. HAHA. But I have to start with the reason why I felt inspired to write about this today… upon waking up, I felt depressed. I felt sad yesterday, too. I knew it could have been for a lot of reasons (world events, post candle launch blues, PMS, lack of sleep, wild eclipse energy… the list goes on) and I kinda let myself just “be” with my feelings. But today after trying to EFT tap my way out of this slump, I got reminded by my dear friend EL that we are in the middle of eclipse season. DUH! We should be paying attention to what feelings and thoughts come up, because they could be wildly important for our soul’s growth! So this got me thinking… okay, depression. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

I heard: your deep feelings are never going away. And you will absolutely be back here again, MANY TIMES. But you KNOW this too shall pass (it always does). I saw and felt a flash of happiness — EXCITEMENT — for a second. I knew it was a reminder from my higher self this too shall pass and I will feel better soon, even if I have no idea when. And that I really needed to share my story (the real reason I believe in self love), because WHO KNOWS who will come across it and feel less alone in their struggle. *hint, you are not alone!!!

So let’s go back to the beginning! I was born into a super loving and supportive family, my mom was able to stay home to raise me and my sisters, my dad worked multiple jobs to provide for us and still was very present and supportive and loving, and we truly had everything we needed. And even though I cried non stop for my first few years, every thing seemed “normal”! My parents even gave me extra attention so I wouldn’t suffer from “the middle child syndrome” haha! But on the INSIDE - it was a different story. Some of my earliest memories are feelings - I’ve always been very sensitive and my strongest sense is my “clairsentience” (feeling a person's or spirit's emotions or feeling another's physical pain) — and as a child it was STRONG and overwhelming and most times I just wanted to disappear because it was too much! It felt uncomfortable to have people even look at me…. it was an intense time and triggered massive social anxiety as I was growing up, and I would continue to battle that until… well, now?! (it still happens, let’s be real, haha)

But on top of all that — I had a soul feeling that I wasn’t from here — Earth was not my “home.” I even have a childhood memory of seeing people living on the street and feeling SO strongly “it’s not supposed to be like this” and feeling people’s fear or worry or doubt — having a deep KNOWING that life wasn’t supposed to feel like this… it was supposed to be abundant, everyone should have their needs met, everyone should be helping one another and working together. There wasn’t supposed to be this darkness? I felt lost. Like this wasn’t where I was supposed to be! It was very confusing but just something I would bury in the back of my mind.

Living day to day feeling overwhelmed